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Being MIA and Stuff

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Being MIA and Stuff

Post  Knuckles the Echidna on Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:24 am

My God, I can't remember the last time I was on this site, let alone talking to you guys. So much stuff has changed, and I don't know where to begin with it all.... Drowning Knux maybe that. Maybe that....

Ugh. I'm not really the whining type, but I feel you all ought to know something or other... Especially since I probably won't be on much anyway in the following weeks.

So I had to stop coming here about a year back or so because of personal issues, and I gave Jackie my password and told her to post for me when she could, and she agreed to do that, as long as I needed it. That was just while I was trying to take care of a matter, and she sent me emails of the posts and things, and that was all good, it worked out while we could. Then I didn't have internet. Then there was some more relationship issues - there was some trust issues going on, and some accusations of infidelity, and um... some going to clinics and things. We played emotional ping pong, and relationship ping pong. It wasn't a fun time, and I got really depressed, and wound up medicated, and in therapy and the whole nine yards. I'd been planning to see Jackie off for her graduation, and I couldn't because I was stuck in the hospital. Those of you that know my dad know that he wasn't pleased about how things were going, and so calls were made and threats were made and lots of cry time, and then I came out to him...

Yeah, I think that had to be one of the worst moments of my life. And there's no way of getting in contact with any of you... I couldn't so much as text anyone, because my phone plan was through my dad. There's been tough love, there's been brawling, there's been crying, there's been a megaton of prozac in my veins at one point... there's been bleeding and finding out whether I have gonorrhea or not (didn't). I missed a bunch of classes, and am taking summer courses to make up the credits. I've been psychoanalyzing myself every step of the way. At one point I thought, 'maybe it's because I'm gay'? At one point, I thought this was God's way of spiting me. But things are going to get better. I lost my job as a waiter, and now I work nights at a club, and right after school at a cafe. I'm trying to communicate more with my dad, and be more accepting of my boyfriend, and that means less time online, and more time trying to patch up the Real World.

That doesn't mean that I don't love you. I remember those months with PA, and that orgy that we had - something about a garden party gone totally right - and I miss my sadistic doctor, and Jackie. Hell, at one point, I even missed Bass. XD;

Only way I'm on right now is through my cell phone, so typing this out is going to take a while. I might be able to go to the library occasionally and make full posts that don't take a half hour to write, but again, I'm working overhaul this summer to get back in the black and everything right again.

Oop, just realised that it's past Jackie's bedtime. She'll see this tomorrow, I guess. I'll try to get AIM installed on my phone, because Meebo isn't working anymore. <3 Whew. Man, I wasn't ready to face you all about this, but if the forum is getting back in business, then I guess now is the right time, and I feel better just telling you about this.

Ta~
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Re: Being MIA and Stuff

Post  Spectre the Echidna on Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:41 am

A year? Has it really been a year since I've last seen you, Cecil? To me it feels as if it's been longer. I haven't forgotten you after all of this time. You're one of my friends and I still miss you, am still waiting for you with open arms.

I'm sorry to hear about everything that you've been through. It makes me sad to know that you haven't been doing very well, and I'd still like to punch your Dad for not treating you with the love you deserve. Come back to your Speccy soon, ya hear? :c
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Re: Being MIA and Stuff

Post  Turbo on Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:46 am

Cecil, I just want you to know that you are loved, and that whatever time you needed was totally fine. We're here for you whenever you're ready to post or just talk, and it's okay. It's all okay. Life gets tough sometimes, and it doesn't always go your way, and bad things happen... I want you to do what's right for you, not what you think other people want you to do. And if that means that you stop posting here and get back into good standing with yourself, then that's cool. But remember that we are here. <3

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Re: Being MIA and Stuff

Post  Knuckles the Echidna on Sat Jun 16, 2012 5:52 pm

Just thought that I would pop in before work. Thank you for your kind words of support. I wish I could be there with you guys. It has been such a long road to getting anywhere near to where I was emotionally and mentally, and I probably put you through a lot.

I will probably post about Saturdays either in the morning on between my jobs for me, assuming that I work every evening at the club and can't post then. The rest of the time is soaking up books and job time, and making up with my boyfriend. But I already mentioned that.

Um, I was thinking about writing a book about my experiences and things because it might help me vent and feel better, and because other people could probably benefit from reading about a sad sap like me, maybe if they're going through something similar. I have no experience writing anything longer than an rp post, I've never blogged, I've never written a fan-fic, and most of the comic plots were just general ideas that Jackie helped turn into a script, but if any of you would like to help me maybe with formatting or writing style or whatever, that would be greatly appreciated. I want to get this done first before I start talking publishing, although there's a much easier time trying to get an American publishing company on it than an Australian one.

If anyone is interested, I will try to put thoughts down on what I was thinking the 'chapter' formatting would be, but you all have way more experience and talent here than I do. Oh, um, and my full name is going on this - real last name and everything... but I'm fairly certain that you will all be cool with that and not google me or anything, because I don't even have a Facebook under my legal name... XD;

Thanks again, you lovely people. You have been incredibly patient with me, and I'm amazed that I wasn't greeted with anger or suspicion... I'm completely undeserving, and I wish I could make it up to you. <3 Sonadow

Kisses,
-C
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